Arduous in achieve

the more air removed of the stench of death ... my hands are raw, my eyes ache ...that is nothing to the inner ache ...

The goodness in me is so sorely tested ...

The timely manner in some respite now ...

An awe of air

while I pass through in getting ready for the next adventure in my life ... After some ginormous decisions made in all strands of life

The images are flowing in and from better times, the kid excited with her lot ... and plans to pick up her hobby of filming ...when she will pick up her studies ... in her chosen field 

The almighty step in entering a world large beyond the door in the tiniest of procedures ... 

A year in end to new beginnings in my year start of 21 December 

All attempt in

a change in life style ..

And not without too many trying moments. My sister seriously thought I was going to cave in at the many hurdles ...

The ball is rolling now ... got through many hoops so far ... now the next three to four stages for a minimum of three months time ... in gift ... 🎁 

And were it not a sister and a few referees; when all around I am continued in let downs !!!! 

The illusion

in delusional The daily battles with another no more; just the bloody stuff left for me to do ... T'will be on me travels soon, the family told of pending strikes, asking what cereals I'd like . The unwind in winding down to take off again ... This certainly instilled how to rid the stuff... remembering how it's done ... I am on log duty in Kernow ... among others ... 

All helps lessen the turmoil in find ... 

Reunited with photos on my new timeline

thee inundation of the automated panoramas pieced together, styalised and movies made in images both new and old and never seen ... 

The time with a new device. The hunt unintended of what I find in retrieving a life style from another's hoard ... 

I have revisited much in beauty, comical moments captured in that minuscule of moment. The appreciation. The photos inadvertently took of a home disappearing ... too ... and an occasionally haunted look on a man not necessarily noticed at the time.... 

We have all in my close circle seen the timeline in photos and communication since in hindsight ...

my sister had a last message to look out for me in taking care ... 

... only a tad of that legacy in echoes reverberating to today ... 

The fountain of

frustions ... It is not woman sentiment It is fast forwarding through the rubble which would then mean missing the now..

If I was sentimental, then why did I expand my experience in life... ?  Justification and defensive strange...  I could not do that ? All these labels,? but not until this year did I finally get an official new label ... only a tad of what it is like for kin of the original client 

I went beyond the carer role into my own new needs in life obsessive of carriers, habits that made no sense to no one except the shocked reunited family.  How I related to people in the wrong context... and how I functioned in an inner world that no one could fathom ... or see ...

Those that all left me to care for an elderly person thinking I could cope! Hello! Beyond words ... I could not cope with my own self... 

And how initially in the crisis fallout family were beyond comprehension of how Sally ... had disappeared... but somewhere in there,  a shadow of the once healthy glow of the woman they knew 

As fast as it leaves

in the golden fall ...the influx of opportunities comes a knockin' 

I am glad in these times not having the obligatory comments that happens. It is just the more forms and paraphernalia to organise. 

At least a system is reforming. The routines out of kilter. The many ghosts that rear up in these changing times. 

I have printed off some more letters. The font as standard not standard yet. That will come back. I know certain fonts are best. Again my system is different to the work fonts. Which I have been exposed to in my various capacities behind my world again ... 

My sister had to give the reacquisition iPhone back to someone else whose was no longer working. She is now expected to use a text and phone to run her required duties, a bit different to organise the duties within her role with no internet! 

They are phasing them out to the windows phones. In the meantime whilst understanding of the situation, the frustrations faced of those who expect her to be at the end of the internet to deal with patient flows in hospitals etc ... out and about ... 

End in another week

where there seems to be more of an air of space and tidy. This is ironic for the bedroom is in upheaval presently. 

I have had to juggle the last few days with the form filling required for a little voluntary time. I also needed to collate all those ID requirements. And I was pleased I had been able to keep track of the new and replaced documents for such a time, within the influx of much movement at home .... 

Much more besides

a weave in and out of documents, printing off, a log, a post, a read, decipher, chasing my own shadow.  

And seeing things

The rattle of the recycling bins being replaced in the distant background 

***

I set up a mini mobile office system ... to enable a return to the raft race in eventual ...

This allowed for in the budget

One juggles this budget currently 

Where people spend on excesses, booze, fags, food. I juggle much to allow for a portion for the future benefits in that encapsulated world that escapes some of us. And this recovery in much ...

We who are on the sidelines of life, not thought about much, discriminatory is still in whispers and assumed much about ... 

Yes we can get a hug and kiss, the keep in touch comments ... not seeing again for a while, if ever ...

The disgruntled like me  who comment much ... the sarcastic jovial jests in speech which are often true! 

"Where did my 'honey' go?"

I said out loud... then burst out laughing! The irony in much, private amusement. This happens in bundles whilst altering the layout in the clear where time stood still. And in the gradually shift around in space to accommodate my food anew. The adjustments in this to bring it all back up to date to how I live now.