Wondering

Whether my video of the inside of a car wash being posted as one who captures their last moments ?

The soon

back in the yucky time getting it further back ... The dresser that might be going North. I can't be bothered with life bits around. The decisive times this year now in approaching ... 

It will be good to be here one day. It depends on the new doors to come; that open up the twists I do not know yet of where I be or what I be doing etc ... 

The kempt

for my personal outcomes is the basis from what failed ... the dignity of dying .... the hospice care .... or at home ... neither which happened .... I will never forget those that failed that dignity ...

All I am exposed to this year here, in a different place on the news, is the elders blocking up beds for no community care at home. Service to service non compliant. The same said for those who fall between the cracks of fragmented care. The careleavers and mental health. The whole reason it is difficult to be with others .... the silent living within ... as I continue on ... very much through gritted teeth 

No wonder I escape in my movies ... I can choose what I am exposed in from reminders too ...

The freedom of

movement in the glory of another wake of a day ...after a very restless night. The pace in life slower in ease. The tire though in days not used to in mind. 

The conflicts within surfacing in bubbling through the daily functions. 

The ongoing

decisive in conflicts ... the sudden realisation of quandaries bound up in hits of wanton not never understood in these times ... 

At least for now a break from the atmospheric ghosts of time 

The gift of

giving ... and the loss of a once local family band mate or whatever you call ... whose parent busked in the local garden centre at Christmas time of Andrew ... one celestial soul of a foreign sounding named as George ... 

Yesterday ...a walk

The cinema ... 

by many landmarks still timeless ... the social club, the venues of other entertainment, the town hall and the venues too in the give in life ... the stalls outside this cinema in the warm months once selling things to raise funds. The door to door collections And those many events in the hub of the town hall ... 

The walk on through lanes to a church too in many functions past 

All quiet quiet

in offices not retail, still the men to suddenly get! The swirl of the silly season ... life is normal apart from the aromas, the only clue here is the tree, a few tasteful decs, some food and the glut of gifts ... no excited kiddie this year the full circle of where I was once ... 

The panic not here either ... what is ... is what is... another time, another year on and nothing eases the pain ... 

That time in lack of communication is and will ripple through to the depths people don't see   

... Festive Simplicity ...

away from all that was a future life on from the town I grew in ... the surrelness of the three of us reduced 

And those now gone in the natural shift in time too ... The first without a Mum in law now, who I knew all my adult life .. all that immediate in laws now dead and gone 

I have come full circle; the time my offspring are settling into her life ... 

And being free of burdens ... I am the one free now to explore much, even looking one day at volunteering abroad and travel around giving time to others. A tad started and not fully ready to rip the roots totally yet. The feelers put out already this festive time, to see how it felt on time on from trauma leaving its invisible scars ...

More

relaxed in happy according to others ... The dilemmas much less but left ... again what is seen in seen ... and seeing how others live helps in ways too not seen. 

The word in world absorbed in our own boundaries. And how I seem to intermix more and getting on with things while very much the quivers within ... 

Again these months seen immense change in experiences; new, old and never before would I have ever even contemplated ... 

The talk in talk. The more than one to one. The group and wider conversations and encouragement. The outward seedling in "usual" it so seems ...  

The dawn of a new era

the comeback from time out in transition of accumulation to retrieve and remove. The dilemmas I had of the style of life becoming more noticeable on time with others. 

Another deep impact of learning in the class system in all aspects of life.  And how I fit in society now. The Walks of life ... I have taken. The smells and disdain of soiling, self neglect, legs ulceration unkempt, unwashed in society. The lunch on the go of those giving time to others to get them to enjoy life outside of the home too. I have seen much again. 

And the fact did I really smell and have an infection bad myself too? from living in the gutter of life neglect. We never had this respite and love and affection in this area ... that I saw elsewhere ... 

The sign posting we never had. The robust skills lacking of those in contact with us ... and the lack of needs from then thorough this festive time until the offices reopened in January by only one agency ... eventually ... 

No souvenirs

thy candle I made will be lit here in Cheshire. A cake made and eaten. The photos will have cluttered the archives with warm images and times with many more others once again. 

A time in limbo now until a travel at the weekend or next week ... if the weekend I get to stay at a cousins and travel by car once again with family from a town once regular in my birth county .. 

This will be dependant on yet another family member in hospital, a operation due next year ... 

...A German Christmas...

market ... one special December day again ... one hot chocolate the mug returned for the deposit with no wish to take it home .... 

This two Pinter will be in another home ... And made a good photo for the archives 

Ever so

slow seeing much of a life back in stream line ... the irritant to lay dormant while I get in mode to travel ... 

The burden to be even freer of the invisible ties to past where I rather not be .... left until later bit on from ... 

The bother

not in the madness of the season ... my family have always has the idea of simplicity which the kid is in with the gene pool counteracts the over top mess we had in deal ...

I have had a lot in too much from a wayward time. I had more that a glut in lifetime ... it never holds the same values ... 

And the time in move on ... I may appear a Scrooge ... 

Tis amazing

what turns up out of this muddle into order that is ever so slow ... another time in much along the path in getting ready to be elsewhere ... it being gift giving time ...